I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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