new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
