Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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