North Korea, Best Korea!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
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I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
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At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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