Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
