First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
