I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
