dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You may now shotgun with the bride
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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