the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
