um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
