the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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