i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
