Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
