i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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