Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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