I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I AM VODKA MAN
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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