Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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