Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
