Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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