so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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