My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
