yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
