your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
