so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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