He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
