just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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