so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
