That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
