i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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