He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i now understand why vodka
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
