you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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