I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Someone came in the potted fern
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
