Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
