i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
