end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
