true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
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shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
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Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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