Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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