The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
