not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
