Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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