ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
