I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you win again, gameday.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
