We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just invented taco cereal.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
