Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
