the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
