We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
