I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
