can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I wish I only lived at night.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
