where am i from again
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
