well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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