ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
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We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
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Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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