Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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