just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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