1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
