Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.