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so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
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