At least make sure they are 18
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.