Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.