This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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