my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
it was like eating out sand paper
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
