so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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