then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
