I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
