Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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