i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
